After leaving the town hall, the three of us proceded to one of the many restaurants, bars & cafes lining Piazza del Campo and facing the town hall. We sat with Ben to work out the final details over Cappuccini, which - by the standards of weddings planned in the States - seems kind of late, but which felt just right in our laid-back Italian "la dolche vita" wedding.
We had already given a basic outline of what we wanted for flowers (now selected and handled by Ben's wife), and music (which was now in the hands of the harpist).
Ben drew out the basic floorplan of the room, showed us where everybody was going to stand or sit, and told us where to go and when.
Then came the big questions: vows, statements, and readings. There are no official vows in Italian civil weddings, only articles of law stated in the wedding and on the marriage certificate.
The articles of law are actually pretty wonderful. They state that husband & wife both have the same rights and obligations. That we have a mutual obligation to total fidelity and to work together in the interest of the family & home, and that we support each other in our professions to contribute to the needs of the family. That we establish a residence together to support the family. And lastly that we are obligated to instruct and educate the children in the family according to their wishes.
So the statements, vows and readings were entirely up to us. We had thought we would learn enough Italian to be able to write vows in Italian ... but you know what happens to good intensions like those.
For the statements, the official (who in this case was going to be the mayor of Siena) would ask (in Italian and translated by Ben) if it was our intention & wish to marry. After a few suggestions of answers by Ben, we decided on the phrase "Si. Lo voglio." or "Yes. I want this." which we both thought was a much stronger statement than "I do."
For vows, we again took Ben's suggestion of a statement of commitment, respect and honor, the words of which escape me, but are now permenantly captured on video.
Finally, we picked a passage from Louis de Bernieres' novel "Captain Corelli's Mandolin": "Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love' which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and an unfortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen away from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two."
Following that, we covered the little details of timing and arrival, then we thanked Ben a few thousand times for making this such as easy and enjoyable experience, and we parted company until Friday's wedding.
Next up: driving in Italy, an amazing but terrifying dinner, Pizza in Pisa, and getting ready on the wedding day.
Ciao!
- M. Brent (& Nancy)
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